“OJEBEGO” & A TALE OF HYPOCRITICAL POLITICS IN NIGERIA, PART 2

May 19, 2022

SubTopic: (1) VOTE-SELLING AND VOTE-BUYING AS THE BANE OF NIGERIA; (2) THE LAUGHABLE LIES ABOUT PURCHASE OF APC’S NOMINATION FORMS

This is “No Bullshitting” Blog (NBB), by Harry Agina.

Greetings, folks!

Welcome to part 2 of NBB series on the lies, deceit, and hypocrisy that characterize Nigeria’s political landscape since 1999. I title the series, “Ijebego.” It’s a word in the language of the Igbo race of Nigeria. Translated literally, it means, ‘You have already gone.’ But it is used by the dramatic personae in my story as an idiom for election candidates. Idiomatically, it translates to, ‘You have already gone into the contested office.’ That’s a pledge to the political candidate in question. You know, like, ‘You have already won the election.’ That’s another way of saying, “You have our votes…we’ve got you covered…we’ve got your back, bro, or sis.”

The problem there, or the deceit, is that the speakers say exactly the same “Ijebego” to several opposing candidates for the same contested office, during the campaign period for the same election. In other words, they mean nothing by it. Their game is, “Just tell the motherfuckers whatever the fuck that they wanno hear, and collect whatever the hell they offer as bribe for the supposed support.” If you missed “Ijebego” part 1, don’t worry; be happy. I’ve got you covered, and, unlike the “Ijebego” hypocrites, I truly do have you covered on this one. I’ve got the link to it right here for ya, thus:

https://nobullshiting.com/ojebego-a-tale-of-funny-hypocritical-politics-in-nigeria/

“Ijebego” part 2 is a drama of another version of deceit and lies in Nigeria’s politics. The deceit is more grievous this time. Some crooks called politicians are using the electorate in a criminal lying scheme. I am pissed off, big time, that the crooks are using some ignorant or/and greedy members of the electorate as their hypocritical cohorts, meeeeen!!! Such electorate members actually shoot themselves in the foot in the scheme. One common denominator in all the schemes is that crooks pay the electorate some pittance to sell their national rights. They receive pittance to support incompetent crooks who destroy the country. They shun good competent candidates who would work for the good of the country. I’ve got to inform my new readers that “No Bullshitting” Blog (NBB) was born out of my personal hatred for two socio-political vices in Nigeria. One is the hypocrites that I address here. The other is the stupid “Political-Correctness” Syndrome that pervade the country. Nigerians hide under being “politically-correct,” to avoid point-blank condemnation of the crooks who have been ruling Nigeria since 1999, meeeeeeen!!!

Anyway, let’s ‘cut to the chase’ now. And, ‘the chase’ is the bunch of lies by some of the 2023 presidential aspirants of Nigeria’s ruling party, APC. I will introduce it to you dramatically. Here’s the setting for the drama. Three dudes are minding their own business, “chilling out,” each with a can of beer in hand. Let’s give them the stage names, Kola, Obi, and Hassan, representing three major tribes of Nigeria. They’re just ‘shooting-the-breeze’ on the front porch of Kola’s home, somewhere in Lagos, Nigeria. Kola is the head of a Socio-Political organization that Obi and Hassan are members of. Kola receives a phone call, listens for a moment, gets excited, and then screams, “That’s what you’re asking if I’m game? Of course, you know that I’m game, bro!!! And, hey, a couple of my friends are right here with me. I bet that they’re game, too. See you soon.”

Then, Kola hangs up the phone, excited. His friends who he committed in his phone conversation are now eager to hear what it’s all about. Naturally, a conversation ensues. It’s actually in Nigeria’s Pidgin English language, but I will translate in English-English for ya, thus:

HASSAN:  Bros eee, what did you commit us to?

OBI:           Look, bro, the first question is; am I seeing some money at the end?

KOLA:      What do you think? Of course, there’s some money, bro!

OBI:           Good! Now, what is it all about?

KOLA:       What else but politics is going on now?

OBI:           Good again. What’s up?

KOLA:       A contract is up, bro!

HASSAN:   Kola, are you going to tell us; or you’ll wait until anxiety kills me?

KOLA:      We have a contract to round up some of our guys for a press conference.

OBI:           Press conference for what?

KOLA:     We’re going to contribute money to buy APC presidential nomination form for an aspirant.

OBI:          Wait, bros, have you gone crazy, or what?

HASSAN:  Are we talking about the APC 100-million-naira form?

KOLA:       Yes now!

OBI:           Guy, I repeat; have you gone crazy?

HASSAN: Kola, have you had any food today?

KOLA:       It’s not like that, guys. We are…

HASSAN (Cuts in): We’re hungry now, and you want to raise 100 million naira for aspirant.

OBI:         Better question; how much is in our association account now? About ten thousand naira; nobi so?

KOLA (Smiling mischievously):     Yeah, but….

OBI:          And you want to raise 100 million naira for an aspirant, who will…?

KOLA (Cuts in, still smiling):  Guys, guys, guys!!! Chill, okay! Let me explain. We’re going to call a press conference and announce that we are begging the APC aspirant to run for presidency in 2023. And we are raising the 100 million naira to purchase the APC nomination form for him.

OBI (Skeptical):  And then?

KOLA:      And then, the aspirant will pay for the form, as well as pay us for our service of…

HASSAN:   So, why can’t the man just purchase the form without all that drama?

OBI:          Hold on; did you just say that he will pay us for lying that our organization is purchasing the form for him and begging him to join the presidential race?

KOLA:      That’s it!

OBI:           How much for us?

KOLA:      One million-naira, bro. One whole million!

OBI:           Why are we still here, bro? Let’s go already, before he changes his mind.

HASSAN:   I still want to ask again…

KOLA (Cuts in): Yes, I know…“why can’t he just purchase the form himself,” right? Nigerians are condemning the 100-milliom-naira price tag on the APC’s nomination form, that’s why. Some crooks in the current government of Buhari who want to purchase the form know the implications. They know that Nigerians are aware that their legitimate salaries for their past seven years with Buhari cannot possibly purchase the forms…emphasis on ‘legitimate.’ They know…

OBI (Cuts in):   Of course not! Even if they made no other expenses all through the seven years…even if they saved every penny; their legitimate income still won’t cover half of the price.

KOLA:     This means that Nigerians will call them thieves who are spending far above their legitimate income, just on nominations form alone.

OBI:         And the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, is already probing the sources of the payment by some of the aspirants.

KOLA:     That’s it. They have to lie about their sources. That’s where we come in and…

HASSAN (Alarmed):   Walahi, me, I’m not comfortable with this. What do we tell EFCC if they ask how we raised the money na?

Yes, indeed! Let’s take a break with Hassan’s pertinent question there. And I can tell you that such voice of reason hardly ever gets a listen to in such scenario. Hunger is too much in the land, and a million-naira payoff for just telling a “simple little lie” like purchasing a form is too tempting to pass over. As for me, I don’t give a fuck what EFCC’s probe will turn out, I already indicted any civil servant who purchases the APC nomination forms, in my own legally-correct way! I say that it is absolutely criminal, because it is a clear recipe for criminality by our incoming president. I also condemn APC’s nomination fees for all the other offices—legislative, governorship, etc, etc. They are all criminally high, too. I discussed this in my series on “1001 Reasons Why Nigerians Must Reject Any APC Presidential Candidate in 2023 Elections, Part 2.” I have the link to my commentary on that, if you missed it. You may scroll down to the sub-topic that is titled, “The Looting Implications Of APC’s New Criminal Election ‘Nomination Forms’ Fees.”:

https://nobullshiting.com/1001-reasons-why-nigerians-must-reject-any-apc-presidential-candidate-in-2023/

So, that’s what I’m talking about! APC presidential aspirants are lying that groups purchased forms for them and actually begged them to run for the offices. Some hungry idiots lie that they contributed money to purchase the forms for the aspirants. Mind you, the fools are actually paid some pittance for the lies. Obviously, the crooks who cook up such schemes have legality and morality reasons for all the shenanigans. I am ashamed that former president, Goodluck Jonathan also allowed himself to be drawn into such bullshit. I don’t know who the fuck he thinks that will vote for his incompetent weak ass to become president again. As for the governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), Godwin Emefiele; I am not surprised one bit. With so many allegations and accusations of stealing on his neck, he had to lie that he could not afford the nomination form.

But, you see, I can’t help but get so offended with those motherfuckers, for taking us for fools who do not see through their bunch of criminal bullshit. Umm huh, those motherfuckers actually believe that we are all as dumb as they are. I mean, how the fuck do they convince their idiotic brains that we buy their stupid lies that their admirers begged them to enter the presidential race, and purchased the forms for them. Nigeria has fallen into pieces in the rulership of the motherfuckers, and they are stupid enough to tell us that Nigerians are begging them to continue in 2023 to completely destroy the country. Un-fucking-believable!!! If I said it once, I said it a gazillion times, that if Nigerians actually vote for APC in 2023, I would seriously consider never to step foot in Nigeria ‘til I die. I would be so ashamed if my people are actually that crazy, meeeeeeeeeeen!!!

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