THE RUMOR OF GOOD LUCK JONATHAN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2023

This is “No Bullshitting”, by Harry Agina.

Greetings, folks!

A rumor in the air is that former president of Nigeria, Goodluck Jonathan, may be joining the race for the seat of the president of Nigeria in 2023. A question spontaneously dropped on my mind when I first heard this rumor. I was like…What the fuck is anybody hoping that Jonathan has to offer Nigeria again as president, huh? He should just sit his incompetent ass wherever it is now, and forget all about the race, meeeeeeeeeeen!!!

I’ll tell you why I am so pissed off when names such as Jonathan, and Bola Tinubu, and others like them in one form or another are thrown up as candidates in Nigerian elections. It rekindles my great disappointment with us as a people. Yap, it’s disgusting that we have accepted the madness of recycling indecent and incompetent individuals as our leaders forever. Um huh, it truly pisses me off to high heavens that a country with millions of decent and competent citizens, many of whom excel all over the world, continues to recycle a few undesirables at home. If I said it once, I said it a gazillion times, that I often feel very ashamed to identify myself as a Nigerian outside Nigeria, and even when I happen to be in Nigeria, too. And, guess what; I really don’t give a fuck if anybody has a problem with my so-called “unpatriotic” position and feelings about a fucked-up country. I can’t be proud of a country where a bunch of shit always happens, and huge flocks of flies always hover around the shit. And, please, don’t give me that shit about leaders destroying the country; the led are even worse. “A people deserve the leaders that they’ve got.” Yap, only fucked-up people allow fucked-up leaders to perpetuate themselves in power, meeeeeeeeeen!!!

Some brainwashed and misguided Nigerians often challenge me with the word ‘patriotism.’ And, I’m always like…Fuck your patriotism to such a fucked-up country. Two hundred million people are being brainwashed to be patriotic, and not to Nigeria, but to less than two thousand crooks in power. As Nigerians continue to be patriotic, the devilishly unpatriotic crooks continue to live like gods and treat the rest as their slaves. Anyway, misplaced patriotism is a story for another day. But I can tell you right now that my mama didn’t have an idiot for a son. I reject the idiotic brand of patriotism that Nigerians are brainwashed to pledge to few individuals who own Nigeria, meeeeeeeeeeen!!!

And, back to my subject of the day, I do hope that Goodluck Jonathan will keep his fucked-up leadership style to himself and stay away from the 2023 presidential race. In a country with so many millions of competent people to lead us, I just can’t understand why we allow kingmakers to continue to recycle crooks and incompetent fools to continue to rule Nigeria. For crying out fucking loud; what the hell is Jonathan coming in to do again as president after his woeful failure from 2010 to 2015, huh? Sure, granted, his peaceful move to relinquish power to Buhari in 2015, supposedly to avert possible mayhem in the land, may deserve some credit in humanitarianism; but, so fucking what? And, certainly, I love and applaud his statement that his presidential ambition was not worth the life of a single Nigerian; but, again, I still say, so fucking what? We do have millions of idiots out there who do not believe in killing or hurting fellow humans, too, but does that mean that we must put them in power as presidents when they have absolutely nothing to offer, huh? When did being a “good-hearted” person become the only criterion to make a man the president of a country, huh, huh, huh??? Jonathan has been made Peace-Ambassador in various forms due to that 2015 peaceful gesture, but that’s all that the man deserves. He is definitely not qualified to become president again. I repeat that I do feel insulted as a Nigerian when Nigerians behave as though we only have few idiots, few thugs, few crooks, and few incompetents to rule the country. Nigeria is blessed with millions of qualified persons for the job, meeeeeeeen!!!

Of course, most Nigerian leaders since independence have been stealing recklessly from the nation’s treasury. If you ask me, or even if you refuse to ask me, I still tell you that Jonathan was not an exemption. And, as always, I will deductively tell you how I reach my position: (1) It is a fact that nobody on earth goes into government and becomes a billionaire after few years, without stealing. (2) Jonathan is certainly a billionaire now, and his legitimate remunerations in all his offices could not possibly have made him a billionaire. Hence, I am willing to bet that he must have stolen from Nigeria, period! He can’t successfully sue me to court because my choice of words are not accusing him; only speculating. However, he probably did not steal as much as some evil-greedy ones. But, he was so irresponsible that he allowed his cabinet members, especially women, to steal with the evil greed that I speak of. This is evident in the proven case of his alleged mistress who was his Petroleum Minister, Diezani Allison-Madueke. Legal-correctness demands that, unlike the proven Diezani prosecuted case, I can’t really accuse Jonathan’s wife of anything. She has been shielded from prosecution, but it’s alleged that she was very greedy, too.

Besides his incompetence and irresponsible flaw, I have two other strong reasons why Jonathan should not become president in 2023: (1) Northern Puppet: Jonathan came across to me as a puppet in the hands of the Fulani Oligarchy during his first outing as president. He is most likely to remain a puppet, especially if and when Buhari’s Fulani oligarchs make his 2023 bid possible under the ruling APC, as presently rumored. If so, then his presidency would be tantamount to a continuation or extension of Buhari’s horrible government, and, that scares the fuck outta me, meeeeeen!!!

          (2) The Rotational Presidency Dichotomy & Tenure Factors: (A) Nigeria’s two domineering political parties have an unwritten policy to rotate the presidency between northern and southern Nigeria after every eight years. Though undemocratic and unwanted in a true democracy, this arrangement does have its merit in Nigeria’s demo-crazy. It promotes peace between the ethno-religious regional strange-bed-fellows of north and south Nigeria, who, obviously, hate one another. (B) Jonathan has already had and wasted the first of his constitutionally allowed double 4-year tenures, from 2011 to 2015. He can only be president for just one more 4-year tenure. Now, it is rumored that APC and Buhari are positioning him to succeed the northern Buhari in 2023. If it happens, then it is very likely to be a smart strategic move by the Fulani Oligarchs of the north. Jonathan cannot run for re-election, and he would be out of office after one tenure. Then, applying the criterion of the individual, in the stead of two tenures, the north would insist that the presidency must return to the north after the tenure of the individual called Jonathan.

Mind you, the plot of returning power to the north after just four years would actually be a retaliatory one. So, I am not really blaming the north for this plot, no sir, no ma’am! They are only trying to recover the four years that they believe that the father of all current political problems in Nigeria, Olusegun Obasanjo, made them to lose in the recent past. A fact is that Obasanjo, in his last “do or die” election rigging style as president in 2007, forced the late Yar’Adua on Nigerians as his successor as president. Relatively, Yar’Adua turned out to be a great saint, and Nigerians loved him across ethno-religious boundaries. But that’s besides the point here. Um huh, the north did complain that Obasanjo had known that Yar’Adua was destined to die in office within his first term due to a protracted ailment. They implied (putting it mildly) that Obasanjo rigged Yar’Adua into power in a plot to return power back to the south after just one term of four years, instead of eight years.

The argument of the north truly was very valid in 2011, as long as we consider the subsisting unwritten agreement for eight-year rotation of the presidency. And, yap, the alleged or suspected plot of the north with Jonathan for 2023 is justifiable, too. Both sides of the dichotomy would then be guilty of the game. Hence, I am not taking sides. However, if the rumor turns out to be true, I still hate that the north would be using an incompetent southerner called Goodluck Jonathan to plot their “pound of flesh.” It would be another wasted four years of bullshit from Jonathan, which would benefit neither the north nor the south. I ain’t bullshitting ya, meeeeeeeeeen!!!