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NO BULLSHITTING COMMEDY, FEATURING “NOT FOR SALE”

September 2, 2022

Greetings, folks!

This is “No Bullshitting,” by Harry Agina. It’s time for Michael Shaibu’s comedy moment. He tags it, “No For Sale.” Let’s find out what Mikey is not selling:

Not For Sale, by Michael Shaibu:

In “Beverly Hills Cop II,” one of the Beverly Hills cops accused Axel Folley, ‘You stole this house!’ That statement alone is oh so funny! I mean…how do you steal a house?

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But the import of that statement now appears to be clearer to Nigerians, especially the Southwesterners. I mean…who wants to wake up one morning to find that his house has been stolen from above him?

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Don’t get me wrong; I know what I am talking about. There is stealing and there is stealing! But trust Naija people; they know how to block you whichever way you try them. Now someone just said it takes a thief to catch or block a thief. Chai, why the slap now; na me talk am? (did I say it?).

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So how do Nigerians block house thieves? And how did one American realtor take this? Here is a joke I stole from myself, from the joke book, Jokes For Compares. Don’t report me to me, biko. Chai…what rubbish am I writing now?

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Anyway; an American real estate giant once came to Nigeria on a private business visit.  He was interested in coming to establish his business in the country.  So while here, he took a secret, unguided tour of some major cities, especially Lagos.

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Suddenly he left, and went back to the US, very angry! Who send am? Anyway, you know women, wives especially. If your hubby’s name is Michael, don’t read this part, biko. I am not ready for any ssslllaapp yet.

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Now I am whispering. So…you know that when our wives want to ask for money and find that we are angry, they pretend that they care about our emotional state and ask what the matter is.

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That is what happened when the realtor got back to the US. And the following conversation took place between him and his wife, on why he was so upset:

WIFE: Since you returned from Nigeria, you have been so grumpy.  What happened to you over there, my dear?

REALTOR: It’s the senseless generosity of Nigerians!  They are generous to a fault; so much so they will soon kill the real estate business in that country. Everywhere I went, I saw: “This house is not for sale. This house is not for sale.”  The generous fools are giving away their houses for free!

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Abi, when something is not for sale, is it not for free? How do you see it?

By Michael Shaibu

Okay, folks, Mikey wants us to tell him how we see it; so, say something, meeeeeeeeeen!!!

And, Mikey, I think we should tell our audiences around the world the not-so-good reason behind, “Not for sale.” Umm huh, folks, it’s an anti-419 measure against scammers in Nigeria. Bros eee, Sis eee, you may find yourself in some shit if you don’t have that sign around your piece of land in some areas of Lagos, meeeeeeeeeeen!!!

Yap, you may visit your land one day, only to see someone building on it. The builder looks at you like you’re crazy when you ask him what he’s doing on your land. And then, he tells you that he just bought the land from “the owner.” You may even start wondering if and when you sold your piece of land, if you’re not careful, meeeeeeeeeeeeeen!!!

If you think that to be bad, wait until you hear the next one. You could actually already have built on your land. You could be living in your house, only to hear a knock on your door one day, and a man serves you eviction notice. Naturally shocked, you’d ask, eviction from where? And the dude rudely says, “Oga, I have bought the house from the owner. He said that you’re supposed to move out last month.” I ain’t kidding ya!

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