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SUNDAY-SUNDAY MEDICINE: A CHILD’S VERSION OF “OUR LORD’S PRAYER”

NOTE: First published on February 28, 2021. The “Published” date on the tab is the date that it was uploaded on this new site. 

This is “No Bullshitting”, by Harry Agina.

Greetings, folks!

Hahahahahahahaaaah!!! I tell ya, I have possessed the hilarious video that I am offering you today for a while now. You probably watched it when it went viral. I archived it because each time that I play it, it simply cracks me up, and I almost laugh my head off, with a great feeling. It is a recital, and, instead of my usual Praise Worship songs, I offer it as NBB “Sunday-Sunday Medicine” today because it inspired me for a comment on true worship of God. The hilarious recital is a very mutilated rendition of “Our Lord’s Prayer” of the Christian religion, and, what catches my fancy is the fact that the little girl in the video is sincere and innocent, which inspired my comment today.

And, speaking of inspiration, I recall that, after my last “Sunday-Sunday Medicine”, or perhaps the last but one, a dude said to me, “Bros, it looks to me that you will soon become a pastor.”

“No doggone way!” I promptly and emphatically retorted.

“Ah ah, you sound as if it’s a sin or crime to be a pastor”, said the dude. “You condemn contemporary pastors all the time, and, reading your blogs on Christianity and morality, I actually believe that you would make a great pastor. It would give you the chance to practice what you preach about how pastors should behave.”

“The contents of those blogs are exactly why I won’t ever be a priest or pastor, bro,” I responded. “I condemn pastors for pretending to be what they are not, in order to make money. I know that I don’t have the mien to act and speak like a true man of God, and I don’t want to pretend like the pastors that I call crooks. If Baba Godee actually wants me to be a pastor, then He will have to remold me with the PREREQUISITE MIEN that I speak of, which will be BECOMING of a pastor. In other words, it would be like in the days of old, when God Himself picked out and anointed Moses and the other men of God, and not the SELF-anointed fake pastors of these days who attend Bible Schools for a month or two to cram some key verses in their brains, and then claim to be men of God. The result is that if you ask them to present the verses, what you get are fucked-up interpretations that only serve their crooked purposes.”

“You are an interesting character,” said the dude in resignation.

In one of those “sermonizing” blogs that the dude referred to, I spoke about Pope Francis who once lost his cool and snapped at a lady fan who admiringly held unto his hand a little too long when he shook her hand. Momentarily, the pope forgot that he’s supposed to be hypocritical sometimes, and act very nicely all the time, even when someone is annoyingly getting on his very last nerve. I can’t do that, meeeeeeeeen!!!

The pope apologized afterwards for his emotional outburst, but, as we used to say in Igbo language when I was a boy, “Okwu bu uzo ebuluna uzo lue be Chukwu.” This translates to “The first word (or act) that you utter has already gone to God first.” To expatiate on this, is to say that God already registered one’s first spontaneous utterance as what is truly on one’s mind and heart. Any change or adjustment or modification of that first spontaneous word is just an afterthought that is born out of conscious “social-correctness” pretense. You get that a lot from Nigerian politicians who naturally, spontaneously expose their madness sometimes, only to tell us that they have been misquoted when they give a second thought to their madness and want to become “politically-correct” afterwards. But we all know that they meant the ugly words that they said initially; don’t we?  So, yes, the pope had already shown that he is human, and can be pushed to lose his cool sometimes and snap into NATURAL angry outburst. He only endeavors to hide most of this human weakness due to his cloak as a “Man of God,” and we all believe that such outburst is unbecoming of a person in his position.

I have said all that to get to the point that I am not cut out to be a true pastor, and I ain’t ever gonno become one, period! I want to be free to act myself, without having to pretend and hide my natural tendencies. Not criminal tendencies, mind you, but my natural temperamental tendencies. I don’t want to become guilty of what I condemn pastors for—hypocrisy! So, I have no business being a pastor, so that I can be who I am, and not having to apologize like Pope Francis after saying my mind, naturally. For example, if I was a pastor there would not exist today the “No Bullshitting” Blog that you are reading now, because my natural “radical” journalistic Alter-ego character and language of “No Bullshitting” are unbecoming of a “man of God.” With this, I rest my case, meeeeeeeeeeen!!!

The “sermonizing” words in my “Sunday-Sunday Medicine” sometimes are just words of common sense, in disagreement with acts and beliefs that don’t make any sense to me, shikena! Today, I speak of good prayers versus bad prayers, in the context of sincerity and innocence of mind, as inspired by the little girl’s mutilation of “Our Lord’s Prayer”, which Jesus Christ taught Christians through his disciples.

The child in the video completely murders the wording of our lord’s prayer.” Every line is completely mutilated to the point that you can only figure out that she is actually saying “Our Lord’s Prayer” because the sequence and rhythm sound familiar. But, if you ask me, or even if you don’t ask me, I still tell you that Baba God accepts the prayer of this child better than the prayer of those of us who know the wording of “Our Lord’s Prayer” and recite it correctly, but without conviction or sincerity. Some of us have other additional fucked-up prayer-warrior bullshit, too, including those that misguidedly recite “Holy-Ghost-Fire-burn-them” line every day. I tell ya, those prayers are not as pure as the mutilated but innocent prayer of this child, meeeeeeeen!!!

“Verily I say unto thee, except thy heart be as pure and innocent as this child’s heart, thou shalt not enter the kingdom of heaven.” Yeah, I know, I have mutilated the scripture that I have just attempted to quote, but the Christian bible has something similar to that. My point is that, though the child in my video completely fucks up the words of the prayer, she means very, very, very well! And, God has no problem at all with her prayer. He knows what the child intends to say, and, He accepts her prayer because, though completely mutilated and apparently meaningless, the recital is sincere, innocent, and pure. Every mutilated word is corrected and blessed by God who does understand what she actually means to say, meeeeeeeeeen!!!

So, what is my message today with this video? I will tell ya, pronto!!! Good prayer to God, or good worship of God, is not about what bombastic words that come out of your mouth, or how much so-called prayer-warrior that you are; no sir, no ma’am!!! It is all about the purity, the sincerity, the innocence of your heart, mind, and soul when you render the prayer. Once you commit your mind to worshiping God, a few sincere, heart-felt words of prayer and thanksgiving are enough for the Almighty omniscience God who knows your heart and understands the contents long before you utter the words, meeeeeeeen!!!

Guess what; sometimes, when I kneel down or bow my head to pray after my Praise-Worship songs, I don’t even utter one word at all. All I do is commit my soul to God in silence for a while in recognition of His presence, and respect to Him. Then, I say “Our Lord’s Prayer”, better than the little girl in the video, though (hahahahah). And then, I go my way, believing that God already knows all that I want to say even before I kneel down to pray. Indeed, most of whatever I want to say now, I already said a gazillion times before anyway, and God does not have memory loss. In fact, whatever that I may want to say now or a hundred years to come, He already knows. Otherwise, our pronouncement of our belief in His OMNISCIENCE, is worthless hypocritical pronouncement. And, I know, that you know, that I ain’t bullshitting ya, meeeeeeeeeeen!!!

For the benefit of non-Christians who may not know the words of “Our Lord’s Prayer”, I will give it to you, so that you can compare and laugh about the mutilation by the child, thus:

“Our father, who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation (which I personally change to ‘Don’t let the devil lead us into temptation’), but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. For ever and ever…Amen.”

And now, here is the hilarious, mutilated but innocent version of “Our Lord’s Prayer.” Remember, prayers are not necessarily about a gazillion, bombastic “prayer-warriors” words that often make no sense; it’s about soulful words that are sincere. Here we go:

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