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“AFROCULTURAL DRAMAS” ON POLYGAMY AND “THE DEAL”

June 28, 2022

SubTopic: PREMIERE TOPIC—“POLYGAMY IN NIGERIA.” PREMIERE EDITION—“THE DEAL”

Greetings, folks!

Welcome to the new AfroCultural Dramas Category on your favorite No Bullshitting Blog. Umm huh, just as I promised you a few days back, the fun is here now. As I said, this is one of our “InfoTainment” Intercultural-Exchange categories. All that “dogo-turenchi” (long grammar) simply means that we shall be bringing you regular bits of INFOrmation about the African Culture through EnterTAINMENT. We are starting with just the stories, but you can be sure that our film-production of the stories will soon commence on this platform, as well as the YouTube, meeeeeeeeeen!!!

Sure, this is basically to share some cultural values of the African people with non-Africans. But, of course, our African fans are not left out in the fun. In fact, I can assure you that the Africans will be learning a lot, too; maybe even more so! You’d be surprised at the things that the contemporary African youths do not know about their own culture. Indeed, this is actually more valuable to African youths, and I’ll tell you why, pronto! Whereas huge majority of African youngsters inside Africa have no fucking idea about their culture, Chinese youngsters who are born and bred outside China know everything about their Chinese Culture, meeeeeeeeeeeen!!!

This is the age of fucked-up Pentecostal Christianity in Africa, where crooks who are called pastors are leading their idiotic flocks to destroy the African Culture, in the idiotic name of Christ. Two key factors are driving this culture-annihilation madness. One is that the Pentecostal so-called pastors, the criminals, have turned Christianity into a business franchise to make money. And the major tool of their scheme is the destruction of the traditions and other elements of the African Culture. In due course, you will get to see how they do this through ignorant and criminal demonization of the African Culture. Meanwhile, here is a link to my previous blog on this criminal madness:

“ANCESTRAL CURSE” MADNESS OF SOME AFRICANS

The crooks brainwash their victims (so-called Christians) through emotional sentiments and fake prophesies. They extort the victims, and steal the tithe that God commanded/commands us to use to feed and support the poor (Deuteronomy 14, 22 to 29). Grievously, the crooks called pastors squander the stolen tithe to live evil jet-paced flamboyant lifestyles. They make a total mockery of the humility and non-materialistic lifestyle of the Christ that they claim to represent. They live like gods and ancient Roman Emperors, in evil opulence, meeeeeeeeeeeen!!!

Nigeria in West Africa has become the headquarters of those evil criminals who are living flamboyantly with blood-money, virtually. Umm huh, blood-money indeed, because the poor who the tithes that they steal are supposed to feed, are dying in hunger. I always name some the biggest and richest among such crooks in Nigeria. They include Pastor Enoch Adeboye of the “Redeemed Christian Church of God,” Bishop David Oyedepo of the “Living Faith Worldwide,” Pastor Chris Oyakhilome of the “Christ Embassy” church, Pastor Chris Okotie of “Household of God International Church,” Pastor Lazarus Muoka of the “Lord’s Chosen Charismatic Revival Movement,” to name just the few. Please, if you don’t call such pastors crooks, then what are pastors doing with tens of millions of US dollars stashed in banks, while members of their flocks from whom they extort the money are dying in hunger, huh, huh, huh??? It is on record that those motherfuckers are among the richest Nigerians, in dollars, too! Did Christ ever amass wealth? You know that the answer is ‘no.’ Instead, he was feeding and healing the poor who were ill, meeeeeeeeeeeen!!!

The second factor that drives the destruction of the African Culture is miracle-hunting by the idiots who the crooks brainwash and extort. The motherfuckers are fucked-up by the crooks with fake prophesies and promises of miracles. They stupidly believe the crooks who tell them that, “Money that you did not work for or expect will miraculously come to you.” And the fools shout “Ameeeen!!!” But first, the miracle-hunting fools have to empty every penny in their pockets and bank accounts to give the crooks called pastors. They call it “Sowing seeds,” and all other manner of bullshitting terms. And then, the part that pisses me off so much, the crooks tell the ignorant fools that they have to destroy their cultural elements. They brainwash them that they are poor because they have “Ancestral Curse” upon them. And so, the idiotic fools go on rampage against our cultural values, stupidly to disassociate themselves from their ancestors and the values that they bequeathed to us as they left this world. Sadly, therefore, whereas other regions and other cultures of the world are pampering, evolving, purifying, and promoting their cultures and cultural identities, idiots in Africa are busy destroying ours.

Phew!!! I’ve gone through all that, just to introduce our new “AfroCultural Drama” series to you. I can actually go on, and on, and on, because I am a Humanities/Communications Scholar with a very strong affinity for, or leaning towards InterCultural Interaction. But I do have to leave something for another day; don’t I? Yeah, I do! So, anyway, it’s time to bring you the first of No Bullshitting Blog (NBB) InterCultural Exchange, in the form of dramas. It is titled, “AfroCultural Dramas,” and our man, Michael Shaibu, is the NBB master dramatist.

He will be feeding us with different AfroCultural storylines of different topics or cultural traits. Each topic will be written in miniseries of short serialized episodes. To serialize means that each short episode is connected to the previous and the subsequent ones, but still loosely independent of one another in terms of the message of the day.

His first story is titled, “The Deal,” and it is about a polygamous young man in Africa. His four wives come from various ethnicities and regions of Nigeria—Meiro is from the Muslim North, Tonye, from the Christian South-south, Nkem from South-east, also a Christian, and Bimbo from a South-west Christian family, too. To ensure equity, the husband makes a sexual-intercourse roster for the wives, with a provision for trading turns, when one is not in the mood for sex, or is having her “red days” (menstruation period).

So, as you can expect, this will give our non-African fans some titbits on polygamy in Africa. In addition, we look forward to the husband’s capacity to manage four women of various ethno-religious backgrounds within the multi-ethnic Nigeria. I am sure that our American and other western fans whose laws prohibit polygamy will be thrilled by how Africans manage their multiple wives in a family.

And now, the drama unfolds:

TITLE: “THE DEAL”

To ensure equity among his four wives,  Waduku, fondly called Duke, makes a sexual-intercourse roster for them, with provision for trading where one is not in the mood or is having her “red days” (mensuration). I did say that we shall soon bring you the Motion-Picture productions of the NBB InfoTainment. Meanwhile, the stories are presented in this written form, but it is done in a way to make you to actually feel that you are already watching the Motion-Picture version.

And now, the drama unfolds… 

  1. SCENE 1: IN A SITTING ROOM—AT DUSK.

YOUNG WADUKU (DUKE FOR SHORT) IN HIS SITTING ROOM ON HIS SIDE STOOL, WRITING. HE HAS A WINE BOTTLE AND A HALF EMPTY GLASS OF WINE. THE SITTING ROOM IS OPULENT AND TASTEFULLY FURNISHED. HIS FOUR WIVES’ LIFE-SIZED PHOTOS ARE PART OF THE DÉCOR. HE FINISHES WHAT HE IS WRITING, PICKS IT UP; LOOKS THROUGH IT; FINESSES IT; PUTS IT ON THE CUSHION BESIDE HIM; AND RAISES HIS VOICE…

WADUKU: Okay, everyone!  Can you all hear me?  Meimu?

MEIMU (Out of shot—from her room): Yes, I can hear you, Duke!

WADUKU: Tonye?

TONYE (Out of shot—O/S): Yes, I can hear you, Duke…coming!!!

WADUKU: Bimbo?

BIMBO (O/S): Yes, I can hear you, Duke!

WADUKU: Nkem?

NKEM (O/S): Yes, I can hear you, Duke!

WADUKU: Good.  Please, come out, all of you. Let’s have a quick meeting, please!

ONE AFTER THE OTHER, ALL THE WIVES WALK OUT SMILING, CHATTING, AND LOOKING FREIENDLY, GO TO KISS HIM, THEN GO AND SIT…

WADUKU: Thank you. Now, I enjoy how we are all friendly.  And I know you all do too.  But in order to forestall any clashes, I have made a schedule which I want you all to take a look, and know when your turn is.

ALL WIVES (In unison): Turn?

WADUKU: Yes, please.  Just look at the schedule.

HE HANDS THE SHEET OF PAPER TO NKEM WHO IS NEAREST TO HIM. NKEM LOOK AT IT, SMILES, AND HANDS IT TO MEIMU. MEIMU GOES THROUGH IT, SMILES TOO, AND HANDS IT TO TONYE. TONYE TAKES HER TIME TO STUDY IT, AND THEN HANDS IT TO BIMBO. BIMBO LOOKS THOUGH IT, SHE IS INDIFFERENT ABOUT IT, AND HANDS IT BACK TO WADUKU…

WADUKU: You all understood it?

ALL THE WIVES NODDED, WAIT FOR FURTHER TALK…

WADUKU: Good.  But for the avoidance of doubts, the nights that appear beside your name is your night for me to be with you. Any questions or complaints about it?

TONYE: Uh…what happens if it is someone’s night but she has her monthly red visitors?  Or one is not in the mood?  I hope trading will be allowed?

WADUKU: I would think so?

TO CONFIRM, HE LOOKS FROM ONE TO THE OTHER AND ALL THE WIVES NOD…

WADUKU: Good. Any other questions?

ALL THE WIVES SMILE AND SHAKE THEIR HEADS TO SAY NO. WADUKU NODS HAPPILY, PICKS HIS GLASS OF WINE AND HANDS THEM THE BOTTLE TO TAKE SWIGS FROM…

DISSOLVE TO ANOTHER SCENE…

  1. SCENE 2: INSIDE TONYE’S ROOM AT DUSK…

SHE HAS JUST HAD HER BATH AND IS CREAMING HER BODY. THERE IS A TAP ON HER DOOR, IT OPENS, AND NKEM ENTERS…

NKEM: You’re grooming?  For what?  Tonight is for Meimu, isn’t it?

TONYE: Of course, I know that. You mean you bathe and cream your body only when he comes to you?

NKEM: Well, not really.  Actually I uh…

TONYE (Cuts in): And why are you standing like a stranger?  Come on, sit.

NKEM (Sits): Thanks. So, I, uh…came about the trading that you brought up then.  I hope you will consider me first.

TONYE: During my red days, or when I am not in the mood?

NKEM: Both, actually…(Winks)

TONYE (Laughs, shakes head): Na so you like that thing?

NKEM (Jocularly): My friend, stop it, biko. Hia!  Don’t go and make that into an insult.

TONYE (Still laughing): Okay, okay, okay! Just joking.  And fine…it is agreed. When I can’t do it, or not in the mood, you take my turn…happy?

NKEM: Thank you…(Rises to go) Oh, and one more thing…please, this is between us.

TONYE MAKES A SIGN OF ZIPPING HER LIPS, LOCKING IT, AND THROWING AWAY THE KEY. NKEM SMILES, NODS, AND GOES OUT. TONYE SMILES AND SHAKES HER HEAD…

TONYE (Still smiling, discretely): Sex maniac.

Cut to...

  1. SCENE 3: INSIDE HOME LOBBY, AT DUSK.

BIMBO AND MEIMU ARE AT TONYE’S ROOM DOOR WHEN NKEM STEPS OUT, AND BIMBO AND MEIMU BEGIN TO LAUGH. NKEM FROWNS, SUSPICIOUS, GLARES AT THEM, HISSES, AND WALKS AWAY PAST THEM…

MEIMU: Hey, Nkem!  Come on!  This is just catching fun.

BIMBO: Exactly!  This is not meant to get you upset.

TONYE’S DOOR OPENS AGAIN AND A SURPRISED TONYE STANDS NEAR THEM. NKEM DSIMISSES BIMBO AND MEIMU WITH A WAVE, WALKS AWAY WITHOUT LOOKING BACK…

NKEM (Walking away):

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

TONYE: What is going on here?

BIMBO/MEIMU (In union): And what did you two discuss?

TONYE TURNS ON HER CONFUSED FACE. BIMBO AND MEIMU BEGIN TO LAUGH AGAIN…

FADE OUT…

NEXT EPISODE’S CLIFF-HANGER…

INSIDE NKEM’S ROOM, AT NIGHT.

THE ROOM IS DARK AND NKEM IS SLEEPING. THERE’RE TAPS ON THE DOOR, IT OPENS, THE LIGHT COMES ON, AND TONYE STANDS THERE WITH ANXIETY WRITTEN ON HER FACE.  SHE TIPTOES TO TAP KNEM WHO WAKES UP PRONTO…

NKEM (Quiet voice): What is it, Tonye?

TONYE (Low voice): You need to go to my room and wait for Duke, please?

NKEM (Alarmed): What?  But you know my bags are packed.  I have a midnight flight to London tonight and he usually wants it at 5:00 AM!

TONYE: A deal is a deal, is a deal, is a deal, Nkem!  Flights can be postponed.

NKEM IS SHOCKED, AND STUTTERING BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY…

FADE TO BLACK.

Watch out for the first deal consummation between Toney and Nkem…to be, or not to be?

I trust, that you know, that we ain’t bullshitting ya, meeeeeeeeeeeen!!!!!

END

NBB “AfroCultural Drama,” by Michael Shaibu

HERE’S THE LINK TO EPISODE 2 FOR YOU:

NBB “AFROCULTURAL DRAMAS,” FEATURING “THE DEAL,” EPISODE 2

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